Into the Cave

Zyria spends only a moment at the dead beast before continuing onward, following the path that Caz and the Alteriian have left behind. She realizes that the group has been left far behind, but with so many skilled soldiers, both leaders and mere citizens, /someone/ was bound to find this path as well. Zyria notes the mess on the ground getting more and more violent, and begins listening intently. Eventually, she hears the occasional grunt of pain, and the thud of something hitting the ground. Quickly, the Princess runs until she can just make out two bodies up ahead.

Caz and the Alteriian. They're both alive. Damaged, but alive.

And Caz is holding a knife to their ally's throat. Zyria can't help but cry out.

"Caz! What are you doing?!"

As Zyria catches the feral expression on Caz's face, he nearly slits the man's throat wide open anyways. But then the rational, reasonable part of Caz takes over, and he opens his hand. The knife falls and Caz's body slumps to the side, thudding hard against the wall and then sliding all the way down to a slouched sitting position. Ma'at collapses to the ground, gasping for breath, but Caz's eyes are wide and glazed, and he looks... lost. Now that Zyria has seen that side of him... Will she ever be able to... he couldn't even finish the thought. He didn't know what to do now. It had seemed so simple and straightforward before, but now... now there was no way...

Both Caz and the Alteriian fall to the ground. Zyria wants to go over and help them, but she's just so......confused. Why does Caz want to kill this guy? He had /saved/ him, and now wants to just turn around and kill him! She can tell that Caz is in trouble. He needs help. She /wants/ to help, but she's frozen, unable to wrap her mind around the reasoning. All she can manage, is,

"Why?"

Caz is slowly slipping. Slipping even further away into his dark, quiet place where he can just forget it all and forget himself and enter his own world to leave behind this one. He's done it before, he can do it again. Months and months, years even, had he stayed in his peaceful world before, the first time, after... after the battle... remembering it just pulls Caz further down. But Zyria's voice keeps him tethered, if only slightly, and he meets her eyes for a brief moment.

All he can manage to croak out is, "For you."

And then he's slipping again. He knows that if he lets himself go, then he won't be able to pull himself back. But the neverending gray of Caz's sheltering mind... might just be comfortable. Easier than this.

"For you..."

"Light."

The searchlight filtered through the darkness as Cassus approached slowly. He had heard voices and suspected that Zyria found them. Immediately, Cassus walked to the weak and confused Alteriian and checked for wounds. There was a cut on Ma'at's neck, not deep but enough to cause a decent amount of bleeding. Cassus applied a syringe of medicine designed to fight combat shock and sprayed biofoam directly into the wound, causing the Alteriian to wince slightly as he covered it with a medical bandage.

Drel-Caz's words to Zyria pierced his heart on the inside, a slight pang of emotion resurfacing in his mind before Cassus regained himself. Something changed. A painful memory. Lost moments that could not be relived. He felt himself stand up, and then he laid against the wall for support. The dialogue sounded like jumbled whispers to him. Military training came back to him and Cassus found himself speechless and emotionally deadened.

"For you..." Those words stuck out to him again. "For you..." When was the last time he had heard that? Shaking his head, Cassus recovered and shoved the thoughts aside. There was a mission at hand, and his sister's life hung in the balance.

[Aww Robless, I was typing a reply of like ten paragraphs, c'mon]

Those two words. Those two words hit Zyria full on. Caz is trying to kill this stranger for Zyria. For /her/. She reacts in two ways. Caz is /killing/ someone for her. To go that far for someone, it's unbelievable, in a violently touching way. [Well, Zyria doesn't react as correctly as one might think. Give her a break] And then, he's /actually/ trying to /kill/ someone for her? Why would she need someone that had done nothing to her, dead? It's nonsensical. But Zyria can see, Caz's mind isn't up for sense at the moment.

She rushes over to him, knowing that it's better for both of them to be together. She kneels down in front of him, helping him lay down more comfortably. She turns behind her, quickly checking the Alteriian, making sure that he won't die anytime soon because of his injuries. When she's satisfied, Zyria looks back to Caz.

His eyes are glossy, almost completely blank. He's retreating back into his mind, detaching himself, looking as he did in the camp outside the cave. This won't do. He can't be nice at one point, then out to kill an ally another, then not even a part of reality.

It strikes Zyria. He needs to learn balance. As I had with my conflicting opinions, just slightly more extreme. He needs to learn to balance his violent and gentle sides. If being as he is when he's kind forces this side of him to just fester and build up, this will happen more often. And sometimes I may not make it in time.

"Caz." Zyria rests a hand on his chest, and the other on his cheek, turning his face to look at her, as much as he can. "This side of you, it's not pretty. But you must know that, to some extent. Killing our allies is not the right path. The violence, though, that's not the problem. You're a soldier. This part of you had to have been drilled into you until you had no choice. And that's not a bad thing. Sometimes, we need that kind of heartlessness. But, if it completely expels any gentle side of you for good, then it's not healthy."

"Please understand what I'm trying to explain. You have to have balance. You can't be kind, then heartless, then completely detached. That kind of instability will hurt more than yourself. You've seen me, when I lose my mind. Think of that, then ten times worse. When I'm not here, I'm just a tag along. I'm guessing all I do is hang around and look, well, /off/. With you, it's dangerous. Your mind darkens, and you begin to think violent thoughts. You need something to hold back certain parts of you at certain times. Just as I have to control myself when I want to save everyone and everything."

"When you gave yourself up to Verax to save me, you saw how many contradicting emotions I was feeling. I wanted to save you, but I knew I didn't stand a chance. I still wanted to save you, though, anyway. That kind of thinking is dangerous. So I'm trying to hold myself back. I'm trying to balance. People need to grow, and they can't do that when I'm always saving them. That's why I didn't try to pry too much at first. You need to learn from this, no matter how hard it may seem."

"But," Zyria reaches from Caz's cheek to his hand, bloodied from inflicting the wounds on Ma'at. "I won't leave you completely alone. I'll stay by your side; my loyalty will be as much saving as I'll do. I'll go through what you go through, there to provide any comfort you need, any motivation you need, by being there. But, I won't walk you through it. If one doesn't actually work toward bettering themselves, then nothing will really change."

"And, Caz, the habits need to change. Please understand that."


[Look at that. Look. At. That.^ DARN YOU ROBLESS, THIS WAS GOING TO BE A TOUCHING MOMENT. Well, I posted this now because I didn't want to merely delete it. It'll just be a deleted scene, I guess. Not a part of the story, but you can still go look at it.]

((Wull but wait. What if I want to respond to that one? ))

The part of Caz that was still listening heard every word, and knew each one to be true. But as the two other parts fought for control, Caz didn't know what to do. He knew he could overpower the soldier by losing himself, but he feared that he still wouldn't be able to hold that part of him in for long if he tried to restore himself to the good side. He didn't want to retreat, didn't want to turn and run away and give up on himself, but even though Zyria's words were true, he didn't know how to do it. He had been fine for years at a time. The last violent outburst that he hadn't been able to supress... had killed his best friend. He knew what the vicious Caz could do, and it scared the shit out of him. But just like his mind was doing now, Caz had drug himself down into oblivion to escape the pain and the guilt and the war and the death and the accusations. He had simply dug himself a grave and buried himself six feet under in his own mind. That's what that side of him was trying to do now.

Caz knew he shouldn't let go. But somehow, this time was different. It hadn't been the soldier driving him on- the soldier had only brought the skill bubbling to the surface and facilitated his other sides in accomplishing the same goal. This wasn't just one side or another anymore. They were starting to merge, and Caz wasn't sure what he could do about it.

But first the three sides of Caz spoke again, trying to express, in as brief of statements as possible, what was happening. "No, Zyria... you don't understand. He's..." his voice broke and became little more than a harsh whisper, "he's... my Neiede. It was... for you."

And that was why Caz knew that this was him, and that it had been him all along. He wanted to slit the man's throat- Caz did. The Caz Zyria knew. But he didn't at the same time. It was the conflict of self-interest that had brought the other sides forward.

So there, he'd said it. Now Zyria could... maybe understand, if she didn't only get upset.

Suddenly, as Fels was walking through the ravine searching for anyone who had fallen, something occured to him. The thought struck him just as Cassus began rushing forward, and Fels stopped in his tracks, considering it. His mind couldn't quite give him all of the answers, though, but he stood there and pondered it anyways, sifting through all of the memories that might contain the information he was looking for.

What had occured to him was that maybe, just maybe, he had been saved by the great Eris-Tam. The reason why he didn't know was because he'd never had the privelege of meeting her, so he didn't even know what she looked like. But he got the feeling that she had violet eyes, and red-tinted hair, and that her whole body was sort of translucent-y.

He knew who he could ask- he'd heard rumors in the camp that his own commander, Cassus Drugari, had known the legendary woman for longer than anyone. He didn't know why, but if it was the case then Cassus would be the one to go to about it.

By the time Fels came to this conclusion, he realized that he was utterly alone. The team had left him behind! Damn, he thought. Now I have to find my way to wherever they went. As Fels started to follow the footsteps of the rest of the rescue crew, his helmet's night vision completely glitched out, and he was left practically unable to see a thing. Even his flashlight didn't work. It seemed as if he had hit a certain spot in the cave that really messed up all electronics, and so he put his hand against the wall and trekked on. He was listening for any noise ahead but his ears were met with only silence. He felt blind and deaf in the pitch darkness, but he continued on in the way he thought the team had gone.

He felt like he'd been walking for hours by the time he saw light ahead. Cassus' searchlight? he mused. But as he slowly drug himself towards it, his injured foot stinging with every step, it became too bright to ever be Cassus' light. It was so bright that it might have blinded him, too, since he still couldn't see a thing with all of the sudden light.

But he could hear, and a voice was what met his ears.

"Welcome, Fels Tamired. Welcome."

((Is it silly that I cried when I was reading your post, Kiki? Both the first time I read it and just now, reading it again. x'D))

((I'll just omit the last part of what I posted. Nobody was on and I had to post something... xD ))

((Lol, WTF? I'm gone for a day due to people coming over to my house and I miss an entire page of plot! The insanity...))

Ma'at was stunned- shell shocked. Darkness was eating at the edges of his already-blurry vision and his shoulder throbbed in a dull rhythmic way. All he could do was listen, and what he heard made his heart break.

"For you."

For you- for Zyria. For this kind, lovely, beautiful woman that Caz... loved. That Caz loved more than his own Neiede. For the second time in as many days, Ma'at's world crumbled and reformed. But this time, it formed around loss- as it had done before.

All the pain, the anger, the raw feeling of "What happened? How did my life become this nightmare?"- it all flooded back. His parent's death, his imprisonment by Verax, his depression and suicidal thoughts, and Caz's words. They echoed in Ma'at's brain, repeating themselves like a dark chant. "For you. For you. For you."

He sat there, huddled and shaking with hatred, sorrow- and yet love. After everything Caz had done, after every insult and torment and attack made against Ma'at's psyche, the simple fact still remained- Ma'at was in love with Caz.

And that was what made it hurt so much.

-Insert dramatic zoom in on Zyria's face-

.......What?

.................WHAT?!

Zyria whirls around, looking at the Alteriian laying there. Caz's......Neiede? His......NEIEDE?

All Zyria feels at first, is shock. Her mind is saying to her Of course! It makes complete sense now. Then, it's anger. This Alteriian, this...../stranger/ just comes in, and tries to steal her Caz? No!

But, she thinks. Zyria thinks it all through. How can it be anyone's fault? They're Neiedes, it's not like they get a choice in the matter. Zyria had spent time preparing for this. She's been expecting this day to come. Maybe it's that, or maybe it's the fact that Caz tried to /kill/ him. Either way, Zyria isn't absolutely upset. Even Zyria is surprised by herself. It's going to be hard, though, trying to see what we'll all do about this. Right now, though, there's no for-sures. No one's leaving, no one's staying. So, I need to keep my cool.

Zyria looks in Caz's eyes, seeing the fear of her anger, the confusion of his own split personality, the anger toward the Alteriian. She takes a deep breath, and begins. "Caz, I understand what you think you were doing. You were keeping your word to me, staying loyal. And I appreciate that beyond anything else I'm feeling. But, this wasn't the way. You can't kill someone for being forced into a relationship. That's what this is, Caz. A forced relationship between you and this Alteriian. It's meant to help your populations, yes, but it's forced nonetheless. This isn't the reason to kill someone. What we need to do is talk it out."

Noting the confusion again, Zyria continues. "But, you need to learn to control yourself first. These sides of you need to learn to adapt, to work with the others. And it's going to be hard. It's not something that one knows how to do. So, that's why I'm going to be there. I told you, I'm going to stay by your side, and help you through this, and I meant that. Even after this.....startling news. And then, when we get through this hardship, we'll figure everything out between you and the Alteriian. Together."

Caz just sat there, with a confused, concerned, estranged look on his face.

She... she's not mad. She's not upset. How... Caz wanted... he wanted to be with her, only her. That was why he'd tried to kill Ma'at. It wasn't for her, not really. It was for himself. He... he didn't want to have to fight to decide who he loved... more.

But... I can't... I can't love Ma'at... I can't love Ma'at and love Zyria at the same time. And I can't let myself give her up. I won't. Never. I promised her I would never leave her, and I won't break that promise. If I can't... If I can't keep going on keeping him at a distance, and I can't... get rid of him, then I don't see what I can do. Maybe... maybe I should just give up. Maybe I should just run away again... It would be so much simpler...


Zyria... forgive me...


On the outside, Caz's face slowly went blank. It wasn't really hard to tell why either. Now Zyria could tell why he had been so distant ever since Verax took him to the Voyager. Trying to distance himself from he Neiede... it was too hard on Caz's already relatively fragile mind. But as he slipped into the endless gray, he imagined that it probably felt the same way as Arch felt when he cut himself off from Eris-Tam. Maybe he could do that instead...

((DUDE! WHY ARE PEOPLE ONLINE AND NOT POSTING HERE. SERIOUSLY. UM?))

At first, Zyria sees a glint in Caz's eye. Slowly, though, it's overpowered by an emotionless blank. She puts both her hands on his shoulders, trying to look him in the eye. She recognizes the look, the detached demeanor.

"Caz, don't! Don't give up! There's no point to hopelessness, especially when it hurts you and your loved ones! Please, Caz!" But, it's too late. He's retreated into his mind, for who knows how long. Zyria gently shakes him once, edging towards desperation.

"CAZ!!"

[HEY, you gotta be patient! I've got this page open, but I'm not on that entire time. Gosh. ]

((Sorry. Just annoying when I know people are online and just looking at the main page when they COULD be posting. xP Sorry though.))

Caz edged towards oblivion, closer with every moment. But there was another oblivion that he could try- something that would be far more permanent and maybe he would never come out of. It strained his mind to inch towards it, stung his body like a physical pain, but he could still make it. He reached towards it, wrapping himself around the idea, the damned, unforgivable idea of severing the link.

And with a huge mental push, he fell, and he broke it.

He fell into the utter nothingness of total mental and emotional death. He felt nothing, heard nothing, saw nothing, thought nothing, was nothing.

It wasn't so bad.

Nothing.

Something snapped. Caz goes completely limp, his face portraying absolute....nothingness.

"Caz! What-what did you do!? Caz! Caz!!" Zyria shakes Caz's shoulder gently again, but there's no reaction. "C'mon, Caz, please!"

But there's absolutely nothing.

[It's basically Cat's turn, actually. Not sure why I posted. ]

(OFC)

Ayie! Sorry I have not posted! I've been ultra-busy, just like usual... haha...
Anyway, it doesn't look like you needed me so I'll just pick up where I left off.

Query though,
Should I have Archelaus recognize the link between Caz an Ma'at, and have him come to intervene somehow, or would that complicate the story line too far.
I'm thinking I'd almost rather just have him go toward the objective himself, because he is unwilling to risk anyone else on a mission so dangerous, and because he is here for the person he loves, not the people he loves.

What do you guys think?

((What? Bu- Bu- Noo!!!))

Snap.

Ma'at's head shot up suddenly and his eyes grew wide with terror. He grasped at the floor, fingers splaying out like they were searching for something, though not quite sure what.

Inside, his mind was crumbling. Bits and pieces fell to the floor and smashed like fragile glass- leaving the center scratched and bleeding. It was as if someone had come and taken all of the mortar between the bricks of the cheerful towers his psyche had built for protection and they had all collapsed at once.

Ma'at froze. His body was cold and immobile, heat fading from his toes, up through his legs until even his eye sockets were icy. The world seemed unforgiving around him- full of hate and disdain. It peeled away from him, unsticking from his sides until he was utterly alone in the blackness.

"No..."

(I think it would be better if you proceeded with the scouting expedition, Arch., it wouldn't make any sense for you to turn around in the midst of that.)

[Cat, I'm gonna give you an option in this next post. You can pick either way, it's your choice.]

Zyria is on the verge of hysteria. There has to be some way to help Caz. Some way.....

Wait. Zyria sits up, and turns around. The Alteriian is still moving, and is he saying something? So he's conscious. That's a good sign, overall. Zyria crawls the few feet over to him, reaches out her hand, and gently pokes him.

"Please. Please. I don't know how much of you is actually here, but I need help. Caz is completely gone. Something's happened. I can't help him by myself. I've already tried that, which you may know, if you could hear our conversation. Please. Please....."

((Ooh- you know what Ma'at could realize now, now that he's not "controlled" by the Neiede link? He could realize that he's not the only one who loves Caz. He could realize that Zyria just wants what's best for him too, and that maybe the two of them aren't so different after all. Just an idea, but they could try working together at being there for Caz, and maybe, just maybe, agree to not force him to choose- for fear that he would regress into a similar state as just now. They could team up, basically. To help make things better for Caz.

Good idea, or no?

I also think Ma'at could be mad at first. Mad at Zyria, and at Caz for breaking the link. Accusations, etc. before Zyria persuades him to calm down and think about what they can do for Caz, and decide the above.

Again, good idea, or no?

((OK, Klyde, you're nowhere near these guys. You should be out patrolling with the others instead of randomly stumbling into this scene. Why does everybody think this scene is wide open for them to walk into? Only four people are there: Cassus, Zyria, Caz, and Ma'at. The rest of the search/patrol group was hanging back for a moment, resting or doing short sweeps of the surrounding area. Cassus ran after Zyria because he had said that he would help search for Caz.))